What do I mean when I say Soul?
Almost two years ago I participated in a course called “Journaling for a Soulful Life”, through the Jung Platform. The instructor gave a lecture on the history of the term Soul from a religious and psychological perspective. Then she asked us to ponder on the question, “What does my Soul look like to me?” At this point I was used to examining my dreams and had done a little bit of “Active Imagination”, a technique Carl Jung developed to work with dreams and other images that emerge from the unconscious.
I thought, “No problem. Images come very easily to me.” So, I sat at the dining table, closed my eyes, and waited. Nothing. I asked the question in my mind. Nothing. I tried going outside and seeing if I could get more inspiration from my beloved backyard. Still nothing. I tried again the next day, seated at the dining table, eyes closed. I asked, “What does my soul look like to me?” However, this time I started to pay attention to my body. My head felt tight, my breathing was somewhat shallow. I noticed tension around my eyes and mouth. I was trying to force an image to appear. I then decided to breathe like I would for singing: very deep and expanded all around my body.
I already had an image of something coiling up at the base of my spine when I inhaled and uncoiling through my torso and out my head and neck when I exhaled. I breathed consciously this way for several seconds. I felt the layer of tension in my head and neck peel away. Awareness of my arms and legs started to disappear. I was a single unit, a being breathing in the space. A third time I asked,
“My Soul what do you look like? How can I see you?” An inner voice, deep and rich, replied,
“Why do you want to know?
– “I seek wholeness and meaning, a higher purpose.”
– “You aren’t ready.”
– “Is this really you, my Soul, or am I answering for you?”
– “Now… when you force, you can not know.”
– “I’m sorry. I will try to release control and let you speak.”
– “You are too much in the Head. I am Breath. I am Life. I swirl within and flow out. I coil and uncoil. I spiral. Every time you sing, I am there. I am Music! I am the Song! You have felt me in the wind.”
I started to weep and shake. I wasn’t sad, but deeply moved. This rush of feeling washed over me and overtook me. I felt loved, like a child coming home to her mother. I had experienced Soul on a visceral level. After that I tried to recreate the experience as soon as possible, but of course I couldn’t force my Soul to appear, I couldn’t recreate the exact same experience. Only when I released control and leaned into my breath and body did any words or images appear.
I have been blessed to have had many “visitations” since my original encounter, none as earth shaking as the first, but always rich and profound. The image of my soul evolved from a swirling vortex to a turquoise serpent, and finally to a beautiful blue woman.
(From my journal: December 2021) “I reached out to my Soul. It always takes awhile before the “cramp” of my ego consciousness can be released. I close my eyes, breathe slowly, but there’s a tightness in my head and throat. I feel my eyes straining to see. I call out, ‘My Soul, what do you have to teach me?’ Silence. I ask again, I search for an image. I try to release the tension. ‘My head hurts,’ I say, ‘Why am I feeling this way?’ Finally, I state, ‘I will be quiet and let you talk.’ I begin to have a tingling sensation on my skin, energy builds up inside of me like a wave. My Soul speaks, ‘Take my hand, and walk with me.’ – ‘Where are we going?’, I ask. ‘To the place where you will heal.’ I begin to cry and desperately try to remember every word. A tall blue woman with long hair holds my hand, I am much shorter, like a child. The image fades. I cry, ‘Come back! I want to remember the words.’ – ‘You will.’ She says.”
This “Blue Woman” has been my companion ever since. When I feel lost, lonely, and adrift I bring her image to my mind. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we are just present together. I know this image is my experience of my soul. I know this will not be the same for everyone, nor should it. The experience of your soul is completely unique to you. To quote Jungian analyst and author, James Hollis PH. D,
“The soul is simply the word for our initiated sense of a presence that is other than ego, larger than the ego, and sometimes in conflict with the ego. The soul is the archetype of meaning and the agent of organic wholeness…[It] reminds us that we are never alone when alone, that there is another that provides continuity to our fractured days, organic unity to our broken selves, and transcendence to our fallen condition.” (Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, p. 253)
In conclusion, I offer you the same question I asked myself, “What does my Soul look like to me? How do I see it?” If you would like to have deep conversations about the Soul and what your Soul want to sing, please contact me.