Are You Listening?

Energy of expression and being desires to flow outward, when a path is blocked, it will proceed to the nearest opening. If all are closed the life force sinks in upon itself, festering, caged in. When a door is finally opened, it may come flooding out, too much to handle, then the way is shut again. An imbalance occurs when life force isn’t allowed to flow to all the paths.

I feel most alive and present to my true self when I sing and teach, but not in everyday situations. I have boxed my Soul in and told Her she must wait for the proper moment to come out. My body has become a cage. I feel tightness in my chest, my breathing is shallow, my head is heavy, pressing downward. My thoughts are fuzzy, unfocused. I am moody, irritable, short tempered (which makes me suppress my feelings even more), and distant. Soul is telling me this way of being is no longer acceptable. She says, “I must be in all things.” Singing will be more joyful and a chance to connect with others if this same life energy is put into everything I do. 

I know when Soul is trying to get my attention because I feel an internal pulling, nudging. An anxious energy that doesn’t want to be ignored; you’ll miss out if you do. This feeling reminds me of my young son when he wants my attention. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” “Yes, just a minute”. “Mommy, look! Mommy!” Over and over again. I pay attention to my son, but always shove Soul down, she must wait her turn. She’s patient at first, but always reminds me of the “thing” I need to pay attention to. “I promise I’ll give you my full attention later.” “When?” “After everyone has gone to bed.” “You’ll be too tired.” “I promise I’ll listen to you then.” But She’s right, I am too tired. Instead of giving her my full attention I scroll through Facebook until I’m numb and it’s time for bed. I have let Soul down, again. She pulls at me the next day and the next; every time I ignore this pull more and more energy is taken from me. It’s small and subtle, but it accumulates until I have nothing left. All this life force is stored deep inside me. The tiniest thing will release it in a flood of tears. I weep, often without a clear reason. When the flood has finally subsided, I am exhausted, drained, and at the same time renewed. My Soul has been heard and she begs me to follow Her calls.

I am slowly beginning to put Her first and listen to those inner nudges. It is up to me to keep those doors open so that my Soul may flow. I find it easiest through artistic endeavors, but lately the pull to let Soul speak in other ways and with other Souls has been very strong. She will use whatever medium I present her with to convey her message, as long as I stay open and receptive. Now, with my writing, I feel my Soul is having her say, in Her own words. This door has been closed a long time; now that I have opened it again, she will pull and tug at my hand until I put pen to paper. Sometimes I feel I won’t have the energy to write or know what to say. Somehow, I am given a word or phrase, and then another and another. I have the energy and the words I need. Afterwards I feel energized to do the other activities of the day. A gift from Soul for putting Her first.

What is most important to you? What do you value above all? What is nudging at you? Are you paying attention?